PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
