Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
