After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
