This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
