I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
