he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
