What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
