you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
