She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
