how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
