therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
