O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
