i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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