Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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