My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
