watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
