i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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