i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't think brook has ever known best
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
