my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've blown a few things in my day
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
