We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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