Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
