i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
