So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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