DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
