I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
