i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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