It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
