You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
