Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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