Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
