How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
