The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
