i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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