i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
