how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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