My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
