I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
