I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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