I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
