yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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