I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
