I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
