Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
