I am puke
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
