kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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