Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
