i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
