I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
