Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
