I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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