i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
